Inspire Me

There are many things which I can’t understand and one of them is Inspiration. It is not whom to get inspired from but how much inspiration to grasp. There are times when I used to get inspired from moments. There are times, usually most of them, I used to get inspired from persons. But as I have said, the most difficult thing for me is I get over that very soon to let myself have anyone else’s or anything else’s inspiration over me. Now why I am saying all these wont make sense unless I write my latest source of inspiration. Swadesh.

My homeland is full of ambiguities and histories. Now again its history is also very ambiguous. Now I am making fool of myself. I don’t know what to understand by this, but I want to have something called passion. I could feel something going inside me but it is not so much strong that I could call on myself and utilise all my energies to deliver something Extra-Ordinary. Yes, I got the word i.e. Extraordinary.

I am into software’s now and believing that I could change the world with something will be really foolish. But I think that there must be something for us-like-creatures which can make ‘us’ change those. Now what are those. To know those I have make the reader climb into my head and have to make them jump into my mind. Now that is impossible. And that is what is stopping me from leading somewhere, something. Yes, leading.

I stay at a place where people are not afraid of looking at dreams and also they are good at making others look at them. Now how to look at dreams. Some answers which I could make out is by sharing a smoke; sharing a smoke on a rock; sharing a smoke on a rock in the middle of a crowded road; sharing a smoke on a rock in the middle of a crowded road with voice equivocal with mechanical sounds of large and small horns of vehicles passing by, hawkers selling by, usual human-beings walking-talking by… decibel saying ‘I don’t care’.

But those dreams never share place with the actual ones at bed. They loose existence as their masters’ return to close their eyes for something else to see someone else. And they again come back next evening at some other such place for someone else having similar kind of adda i.e. Adda at Kolkata.

I woke up on 26^th Jan’ 2007 and found myself very much alone in a single room. I went out and saw that it was not a usual day as I was thinking it would be. I felt everybody was very excited. I could not understand why it was like that. Because I don’t think much of them would ever know what is like to be republic. But still they are excited and I could feel they were experiencing a sort of very unusual freedom and also they are now full of ideas (dreams!!), they are full of energy. Suddenly one day!!

I was passing by those dilapidated roads which had many histories and some were getting recited there by some unknown people wearing very clean clothes with full of energy and voice. And yes they have their fans listening to them, getting inspired. I told my driver to stop to a popular leader (I suppose) with most men listening to him with awe. I heard him. I left him with his fans as the traffic signal went yellow. I left the town after couple of hours. I passed by many towns in my way and saw many such speakers and his comrades whenever my super fast train was braking itself. I questioned myself over a sweet song being played in my 3230 that why a state having so many visionaries, is still have no vision of its own? Why a state having so many leaders, is still getting cursed of its leadership capabilities? Why a state having a history to reckon, is making no history for its future? Why? Why? and why?

I watched a movie which I was watching for the 5^th time. Every time I watched it, I got inspired. This time I got inspired and I thought. I thought, is it only with those fictitious characters, those extraordinary deeds are possible? Then I thought may be I am wrong. Those things they do are not extraordinary rather they are what real characters like us should commonly do; should commonly do for Swadesh. Am I being patriotic? Yes, I am and why shouldn’t I. I see myself as a useless creature of this country with all my above-average knowledge and above-average paid job. I could not motivate myself to help this country, for which I have my existence, develop in any way possible. There can be many arguments. But I see myself as a burden to this country which really needs my endeavour to sprint ahead. And what am I doing – “I am serving American Dream”.

As I blog after 1 year, I feel my growth both psychologically and physically. And also I feel my fall as a responsible citizen of Swadesh. I am not confused but I need to find a way out of all these .NET, JAVA, POWERBUILDER, ORACLE,SECURITY, HACKING; PROJECT, CLIENT, APPRAISAL, ONSITE, OFFSHORE; ENTERPRENEURSHIP, MNC; MBA, GRE, GMAT … to something more subtle, more long-lasting, more enduring and above all more inspiring.

I want to inspire myself to lead my mind, my knowledge to realize what is possible for me to help Swadesh grow as I grow, develop as I develop and rise as I rise.

May be someday, I could want this I to change to We. That day, I don’t think I would be blogging like this here.

Till then, I will try to get inspired more and for a much longer time.

(Writer is in new place, at a new city with new people, new culture, new thoughts, new melancholy. This blog is because of more-than-enough patriotic scenarios all around him since last 2 days starting 26^th Jan. He is blogging after 1 year and it had to be a nonsense one.)